it makes me wonder...

It makes me wonder how you changed my life..

it makes me wonder how you made me want to be better..

it makes me wonder how your painful words and comments became my inspiration to change..

it makes me wonder how i have to lose you first before i realize my mistakes..

it makes me wonder how you, someone far from my ideal man, made everything else and everyone less important.

and lastly, it makes me wonder how love can be found with a movie and coffee and how it can be lost with a bottle of beer.

hell.. death.. and LOVE

i'm down here in sm north waiting for my friend at the gym. i had coffee, walked around, bought new clothes, ate dinner, saw some friends, and again, walked around.

while i was smoking, i can't help looking down at the cars that pass.. i was trying to spot his corolla, and was hoping that he'll fetch me... i was imagining that he was still gonna be there to bring me home. the feeling of being there alone was horrible. am i that desperate to still hope for his return after every damn thing that happened?

i fight the tears that fall down my eyes, i look stupid already. i hate being in this situation. i hate feeling so sad and down.

my friend's here already.. more updates soon.

-the queen